Welcome to The ReLate Show...
Updated: May 24
...a place to celebrate - and commiserate with - those who have suffered -
or are currently in the throes - of rejection.
Hello and thank you for stopping by The ReLate Show, where we all can relate to the sting of rejection. I’m your host Jodi Moore. Please give a warm welcome to Jeremiah Thicket.
Jodi: It’s lovely to meet you.
Jeremiah: Thank you for inviting me. Be honest. You were expecting a Bullfrog, weren’t you?
Jodi: No...well...maybe...I mean, there is that song.
Jeremiah: Everyone assumes. *snorts* One time, I was called in by a casting assistant only to realize it was an audition for a local production of Frog and Toad.
Jodi: That must have been disappointing.
Jeremiah: Disappointing? It was downright dangerous! I thought they were being nice when they invited me to visit the buffet, until I realized I was to be one of the delicacies on it. I barely escaped with my life!
Jodi: How terrifying! And yet, you didn’t quit.
Jeremiah: No. I’ve wanted to be an entertainer ever since I was a tiny egg in the field. I actually auditioned for the role of the cricket in Pinocchio.
Jodi: You did? Why that was over 80 years ago! I didn’t know crickets lived that long.
Jeremiah: Um, hello, I’m fictional...
Jodi: Oh, right. Sorry.
Jeremiah: Anyhow, I made it through to the finals, but then, someone said Jeremiah didn’t roll off the tongue like a certain other character who shall remain unnamed. That it had too many syllables. And the accent fell on the wrong one. The final straw? They said he looked better in the hat! Tell me, do you like my hat?
Jodi: Yes...but isn’t that a different story?
Jeremiah: *sigh* I got rejected from that one too.
Jodi: To be fair, weren't they looking for a dog in that classic picture book?
Jeremiah: Details. I’m classically trained. I scurried through all the finest theater programs. I can play a canine. I’m an arteest. *pauses to wipe eyes* I just wanted a chance.
Jodi: I can relate.
Jeremiah: But it’s more than just me. Crickets get no respect. I mean, think about it. We’re the brunt of every entertainment joke. A comedian who gets no laughs? Crickets. A submission that never gets acknowledged? Crickets. A show where no applause resounds? Play the cricket sounds! Why are we associated with silence? With failure? Crickets have opinions and feelings too! Doth they imply that the sound of crickets when the moon shines bright in the sky is a sign of failure? They dare not say!
Jodi: Impressive speech.
Jeremiah: Thank you. I’m president of my local Shakespeare fan club.
Jodi: Hmm. I have an idea. How about if you and your friends become my audience? Instead of clapping, cricket chirps will signify the highest praise!
Jeremiah: Seriously? Us? Like...we’d be the judge of who performs well...?
Jodi: Remember, my guests may be in a fragile state. They’ve been rejected.
Jeremiah: I can relate.
Jodi: You’ve got the job.
*cricket sounds fill arena to end show*
Stage Manager Gretel: Aaaaand that’s a wrap.
Gretel (off stage): Grandma! That’s show biz talk, not literal – Grandma! Release that cricket from your web now!